Big News

As the past couple of months have gone by and most of my friends were pregnant (or trying) Baca and I were just trying to get by.  At the time I was over having kids for a while and determined to get Baca through school so we can move out of our poor college student phase (I am hoping this is a phase anyway).   Early last year I was excited to try to have kids but fear and insecurity set in and stopped us from 'trying'.   We settled on what ever happens, happens.  After a year and a half of no BC and no babys- I figured I was broken or will just have a tough time conceiving.  I picked up jogging and made a goal to do a half marathon (got up to 4 1/2 miles non stop!), planned to make as much money as possible (well, mainly just get a stable job), and get Baca through school!  

This did happen.  I got a good job, worked hard at jogging, and was glad Baca could focus on school more.  Since I was the breadwinner we panicked again and moved to a cheaper place.  It is a very cute apartment and we only had minor trouble when we first moved in (with neighbors) and saved us some money.  Life was going pretty good and I finally felt like I could be at this place till Baca finishes.

It started on a Saturday morning.  We slept in and Josh and Susel came over so we could go to the dog park together.  I remember sitting and I felt sick, so we made sure the trip was a short one.  For the whole day I knew I was sick and made sure to try and relax.  The fun part was when I woke up the next day.  It was now a head cold and nausea.  I thought "wow, I must really have something to make me this sick".  I don't know how I made it work on time for the next week because it was really tough.  I finally went to the doctor on Feb 11 thinking I had a major virus or something.  He checked me out, and told me to take a pregnancy test.  I reassured him that wouldn't be the issue b/c I knew I would have a hard time getting pregnant.  Still, I took the test and no surprises- it came back negative.  Another week went by and nothing was settling, I was horribly sick in the mornings and struggled at work to even walk around.   I was really confused and scared I was getting some sort of poising.  Even Baca had some of the same symptoms!!  He would not feel good and even throw up once in a while!  After talking to my parents they had been looking up types of poisoning and they made us go to the store to see if we could find tests for carbon monoxide and such.  My mom mentioned taking a home pregnancy test just in case.  I was already pissy at this point because everyone said "your pregnant" and when the doctor says your not- your not.  Right?  I literally got the tests to prove everyone wrong.

By the time we got home Wes had stopped by to pick up some meat I got for him.  I was reminded of the test and headed downstairs to take it.  This was probably the first pregnancy test I took and had no worries or what ifs.   I sat down there waiting for the negative result so I could take a picture and send it out to everyone.    After a min or two I got the stick and about puked then and there.  Was it a second line?  I know it was faint but even if it is faint, its positive.  I think everyone dreams of the moment when they find out they are pregnant and imagine tears of joy and your spouse is elated as well.  the tears definitely came..I had a panic attack in my small bathroom gagging and sobbing full of fear.  After a few minutes Baca noticed my absence and came down to check on me.  I was sitting crying and he came in asking if I puked.  My head in my hands I shook my head and pointed to the stick.  He looked and said nothing but "oh" and patted me on the back, and left me (he knows when I panic I usually don't like to be bothered plus the poor kid was probably just as shocked).  I eventually wobbled upstairs still shell shocked.  Wes notices and he asks whats up.  Still not being able to talk I point to the stick.  He picks it up, laughs, and takes out his camera to document the moment.  It did suck.  That night I went with Wes to sleep on his couch (our place was stuffy and I needed to get out) and Baca was probably up all night playing video games not to freak out.

After half a nights sleep I woke up and scared to death to tell anybody.  I called my mom to at least let her know but I couldn't get a word in.  She really heard 'uh huhs' and 'nu uhs' between sobs.  I appointed my brother to tell the rest of the fam.  After I talked a bit more about it and gave it a couple more days, the subject wasn't as hard to speak.

My first appointment with the baby doctor was last Wed.  I got scheduled to get an ultrasound to see how far along I was.  The next morning Baca and I went to get an ultra sound.  I was nervous because I wasn't even sure if peanut (thats our nickname for he/she) was alive.  Once the doc found him, oh he was there, moving and grooving.  It was even cooler to find that I was 11 weeks!  We were guessing the most was 9 (since the preg test at the doc didn't show).  I would have to say that was the hardest part of the endeavor was having a negative preg test from the doctor and thinking you were in the clear!  The farther along I get the more excited we get.  It is still scary and we don't know where we are going to move (UGH moving again) and how we are going to afford it...but, we can do it!