Guilt

          It has been on my mind and heart lately.  There are a lot of things that attribute to that.  Being a mom for one.  I know I am not a horrible mom but, there is always times where I wish I could have more energy, be a better teacher, ect.  I want it all to come naturally (of course).  We are currently trying to wean her off the bottle and onto the sippy cup.  It sucks.  We are also trying to get her to use her little hands to eat.  I can say I am an impatient person, especially with this.  Sticking it out with this kind of stuff is not as hard for me as for Baca (still don't ENJOY it).  And it makes me feel bad.  I didn't cry when I went back to work, I will let her cry a little bit before bed, when I get home from work I want a break before jumping in to play with June, just a lot of stuff that should be changed.  I am still that selfish single person I was before June.  Yikes, what being a parents is all about.  I don't know why I would rant about it in a blog, but I guess it is easier than trying to talk it out over the phone and stumble my words.

         Second, is focusing on the bad instead of the good.  I am blessed in many ways.  Yet, I can ruin a whole day by not having enough money or feeling inadequate, ect.  That negativity creeps in and exposes my insecurities- and I have a lot of them.  A lot of my childhood I can remember always being insecure...ALWAYS.  It is frustrating.  Even now people remind me of how I used to act crazy, and going after what I wanted.   Where did that spunk go?

         Ah well, I guess it was a longer day than I thought.  I will end the night with a good prayer, and a daughter that has finally gone to sleep :)  G-night and sorry for the rant!